I finally have the courage to share my story – the story of my daughter Ava.
We were expecting to welcome our baby girl, Ava Grace Jardim, into the world in July 2022. Our pregnancy journey was one of the most difficult, emotional, and faith-testing experiences of my life.
We fell pregnant quite quickly trying and I was so grateful. At our 12-week scan, however, we were told that our baby might not make it to full term. As she is fighting for her life we should not be surprised if her heart stops in the next week or two. She had fluid on her lungs, her bowel wasn’t forming correctly, my umbilical cord had only one artery, and her NT was too high. Although these things are not entirely problems on their own.. combined is a cause for concern.
A week later, we went for another scan and things looked worse. We were told she had Edwards Syndrome (Trisomy 18). Later tests showed this was not the case. After more testing, Ava was diagnosed with a severe case of Turner’s Syndrome (where only one X chromosome is present). We were told again that she would not survive. We were also reminded that nothing we did, or didn’t do, caused this. We were simply that one couple in 2,500.
The devastation is hard to put into words. I cried rivers of tears, felt robbed of joy, and grieved the pregnancy I thought I would have. We were given the option to terminate, but we decided to carry Ava for as long as her heart kept beating.
As I carried her, my perspective shifted. I began to embrace the gift of pregnancy, to celebrate her life, no matter how short. Ivan and I prayed every night, we took communion, we declared scripture, and we asked God for a miracle. I prayed a very difficult prayer – that if she made it full term, she would be whole. And if not, that the Lord would take her home.
Ava means “Life” and together with Grace = “Life by God’s Grace.”
At 20 weeks, her heart stopped. At 21 weeks, I went into hospital was given the meds to go into labour. On March 19, 2022 at 1:25am, I gave birth to our precious baby. It was the longest, most painful night of my life. We saw her, held her, cried over her, and said goodbye. My heart is broken. Ivan said she had my nose. I still cry about that today.
I cannot explain the peace that carried us – a peace that surpasses all understanding. My heart was broken, yet I knew Ava was whole and healed in the arms of the Father.
Blessed are the pure in heart: for they shall see God. – Matthew 5:8
This was the most traumatic thing I’ve ever faced, but only my faith in Jesus kept me together. And through it all, my husband Ivan was my rock. His strength, love, and faith carried me in ways words cannot describe.
To my husband, Ivan.. words can not describe how blessed I am to have you. You have been a pillar of strength, my shoulder to cry on, the hand to reach to, the arms to embrace me, even in grief you manage to make me smile. You have pulled us closer to each other and closer to the Lord.. I am incredibly grateful for you and I love you beyond words can describe.
We are forever grateful for our family, friends, and church community who walked this storm with us, through prayers, tears, meals, and encouragement.
Please, hold your children a little tighter today. Thank God for the gift of being a parent. And if you are in the middle of your own storm – know that there is peace, there is hope, and there is healing in Him.
With love,
Shanna
Click here to read the story of the yellow butterfly
